Monday, December 14, 2015

Sympathy...and RA



I frequently meet people who want to share their pain with a stranger.  But the problem is, when they see me, they don’t realize that they’ve chosen the wrong person to share pain with if they're looking for sympathy from a stranger.  It's not that I don't sympathize with people and pain they're going through, it's just that I kind of feel like they're repeating the story of my life.  I've heard that one before, yep.

After my foot surgery, I was walking in a store with my boot on, and I was looking at something on the shelves.  A lady came by and saw my boot and just started gushing about how she sympathized with me because she had a knee replacement (probably years ago), and she knows just how I feel…  I have learned to keep my mouth shut at moments like these when I really want to say, “Oh, you’ve had a knee replacement?  Well, honey, I’ve had TWO knee replacements!  A week apart from each other!  And I’ve had BOTH hips replaced!!  One of them 4 months after my knee replacements!!  And this latest surgery was a joint fusion in my foot that has been an extremely painful recovery for me.  And!... I will need to have both shoulders replaced someday, and my knees replaced AGAIN, someday, and more fusions in my feet and hands.  Wait, what were we talking about?  Oh yes, tell me again how you know exactly how I feel?”  

Photo credit: Petite Magique

I don't want to be "that person" that always one ups the "two wisdom tooth tale."  But sometimes I just want to let everyone know exactly what I think of their "tale."



I recently read a book called David and Goliath by Malcom Gladwell.  It’s a collection of true people, events, and studies that have been conducted that show how underdogs and misfits have overcome adversities to defeat “giants”. 

There’s one story in particular that really struck me as fascinating.  It follows a man named Emil “Jay” Freireich, a doctor who helped develop successful modern chemotherapy treatments by using unconventional and (then) dangerous practices and testing them on children undergoing treatments for leukemia.  He grew up in a rough immigrant home.  His father passed away when he was very young and after 7 years of being raised by an Irish nanny whom he loved, his mother remarried, left work in a sweatshop, and returned home to “raise” her two children and one stepchild.  His mother was very distant, though.  He doesn’t recall any affection given to him as a child.  He spent a lot of time on the streets.

Back then, physicians were typically from upper-middle-class backgrounds.  They were gentle people who were able to sympathize with patients.  Freireich came from a very poor background, and he was a large man who spoke loudly and had a bad temper.  Defying many odds, he became a physician and was assigned to the children’s leukemia ward at the National Cancer Institute in 1955.  It was a terrible place filled with children with a terrible disease that many of them bled to death from.  The doctors were supposed to cure the children, but their time was spent cleaning up and trying to prevent the kids from bleeding to death.

Dr Freireich made several discoveries and advancements trying to find cures for leukemia, including blood transfusions using silicone needles and plastic bags instead of metal needles and glass bottles, which gave the kids blood platelets to help stop bleeding.  This was a groundbreaking discovery, because now the doctors could focus on curing the disease, instead of trying to stop the bleeding.  He also found that combining several medications together, instead of using them one at a time, worked better and was able to treat and heal the patients.  In the 1960’s, this type of treatment was considered extremely dangerous and irresponsible.  At the time, they would give dangerous medication (methotrexate, 6-MP, and prednisode) one at a time and in small doses.  Freireich thought that combining the medications and giving them in higher doses would kill the cancer cells more effectively.  Other people thought that the drug combinations would kill the patients.  Freireich figured why not try something different to see if we can get different results, and if they die, they were going to die anyway, so it’s really not his problem.  Heartless?  Yes, but there’s more…

After the doctors could focus on treating the leukemia, Freireich was seeing a problem of children being “cured” of leukemia under his care become sick again because the chemotherapy treatments hadn’t killed every single cancer cell.  He realized that he couldn’t completely tell if a patient was cancer free by looking at blood cells, he had to look at bone marrow.  The way he extracted bone marrow was to grab the child’s leg and stick an 18-gauge needle right into the shinbone with nurses and parents holding the child down.  The procedure was quick, and it was very painful, but Freireich knew that the kids could handle the pain, because he himself, had been through pain and darkness.  He knew that the children would get over it.

Freireich was boisterous and pushy in his medical career.  He was fired from his job several times because he went against what others felt was safe and normal practices.  Because of his defiance, he helped develop treatments and practices that are used today to save thousands of lives.  But he was rough and unyielding on this road to medical success.

Why am I writing a book report on my blog?  It’s because this story struck me right in the heart.  Not only do I personally benefit from Dr Freireich’s accomplishments (with using chemotherapy drugs to treat RA), but I can relate to him as someone who is emerging through tough times to (hopefully) help someone else.  I don’t mean to sound self-serving and vain, but I have been through a very long grieving process with my Rheumatoid Arthritis, and I feel like I am able to be in a position to help others who may be just starting their grieving period (more on that to come).

I can remember something my mother said about pain several years ago.  My brother had surgery to remove his wisdom teeth when I was 8 or 9 years old and had kind of a tough time recovering from it.  One day, my mom and I were just getting out of church when we came across a member of our congregation who had been through brain surgery.  I don’t remember the details of his situation, but I remember seeing him with his fresh scar and his hair shaved off the side of his head.  He asked my mom how my brother was doing.  She said that he was having kind of a tough time.  The man told her that if my brother wanted to know what pain was like, he should come talk to him and he would explain what real pain is.  That bothered my mom.  Afterwards, she explained that just because he has been through a lot of pain, doesn’t mean that no one else ever experiences pain. 

I am here to combine these two thoughts.  I have a lot of pain in my life.  Just because I have a lot of pain that many other people don’t and won’t ever experience, doesn’t mean that no one else ever experiences pain.  A stubbed toe is still painful for someone who doesn’t have RA.  Recovery from knee replacement surgery is still hard and painful for someone who doesn’t have RA, and I sympathize with those people.  Having said that, I do know that it’s possible to recover from and “get over” painful situations.  I have gone through knee replacement surgery, twice.  I know that if I meet someone going in for a knee replacement, I know that person is going to be fine and recover from that surgery (barring any mishaps and assuming the person performs physical therapy as he/she should).  So, I may sympathize, but probably not for long because I personally know what pain is, under normal and extreme conditions.

If you would like to tell me about your pain and suffering, I would be extremely happy to lend an ear and possibly help you get over any fears you may have.  But don’t expect me to tell you what a strong person you are to be going through this trial and hold your hand every step of the way, because now you know that I already know that you are a strong person.  You don't need me to tell you that.  You need to realize that you're a strong person and you need to find your own ways to handle the pain you experience.  Your way of dealing with things may be different than mine.  I had to find my way, now let’s find yours.

Riley

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